December in a primary school is, by design, a month of controlled chaos. Nativity rehearsals. Christmas jumper days. End-of-term parties. Secret Santa. Festive assemblies. Each one a small land mine for a child whose nervous system runs on predictability.
The Gap Between Excitement and Anxiety
Christmas is exciting—and our son is excited. He loves the lights, the films, the food, the anticipation of presents. But excitement and anxiety live very close together in a nervous system like his, and what looks like enthusiasm from the outside can tip into overwhelm very quickly.
The build-up period is hardest. By the time we reach the last week of term, his emotional regulation is running on fumes. Everything at school has been out of routine for weeks. Expectations have shifted. The classroom has changed.
What We Tell His School
We've learned to be proactive with school rather than reactive. At the start of December, we send a short email to the school flagging that this is a high-anxiety period for him, asking for a heads-up about any non-routine events so we can prepare him, and requesting a low-demand retreat option if things get too much during celebrations.
Our school are super pro-active and more often than not will get there first. However we are the lucky ones as not all schools are receptive. The ones who understand neurodiversity know that giving a child a quiet corner and a fidget isn't indulgence—it's prevention.
Managing the Home Side of Things
At home, we try to keep our core routines as stable as possible even when the school schedule is erratic. His bedtime routine stays the same. His morning routine stays the same. These become anchors.
We also reduce our social commitments significantly in December. It's not the most festive decision—we've had to be honest with extended family about why we can't do three Christmas gatherings in a week—but protecting his regulation capacity protects all of us.
This year we even managed to find a Christmas experience that worked for us. It meant that we did it at the start of November and on a school day but with no-one else around we had our own personalised experience which meant that although we were in and out quite quickly it was still a magical experience. Highly recommend Chessington World of Adventures - this was by far the best that we've attended in the last 5 years (and it didn't break the bank!)
Permission to Do Christmas Differently
If December is hard in your house, please give yourself permission to let some things go. The school play you can't attend. The party you leave early. The card list you don't finish. These are not failures—they're the cost of keeping your child safe and your family functional, and that is worth a great deal more than a full advent calendar.
