Talking to family members about Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) can be one of the most challenging parts of the journey for parents and caregivers. PDA is a complex profile on the autism spectrum, and its unique features are often misunderstood, even by those closest to the child. Family members may struggle to grasp why certain behaviors occur, or why typical parenting strategies don’t seem to work. This blog explores the difficulties of explaining PDA to family, offers tips for clear communication, and provides guidance on how relatives can offer meaningful support.
Why Explaining PDA Can Be Difficult
- Lack of Awareness: PDA is less widely recognised than other autism profiles, so many people have never heard of it.
- Misunderstood Behaviours: Family members may interpret avoidance, meltdowns, or refusal as naughtiness, defiance, or poor discipline.
- Invisible Anxiety: The anxiety driving PDA behaviours isn’t always obvious, making it hard for others to see the root cause.
- Different Generational Views: Older relatives may have traditional views on parenting and discipline, making it harder to accept new approaches.
Tips for Explaining PDA in Simple Terms
1. Use Everyday Language
Describe PDA as a type of autism where everyday requests and expectations can cause overwhelming anxiety, leading to avoidance or refusal.
Example: “PDA means that even simple things, like getting dressed or coming to the table, can feel really stressful. It’s not about being naughty—it’s about feeling anxious and needing to be in control.”
2. Focus on the Anxiety
Emphasize that the behaviors are not a choice, but a response to anxiety.
Example: “When demands are made, it can make them feel panicked, so they try to avoid it in any way they can.”
3. Use Analogies
Analogies can help family members relate.
Example: “Imagine being asked to do something that makes you really nervous, over and over again, every day. That’s what it’s like for someone with PDA.”
4. Share Resources
Provide simple articles, videos, or leaflets about PDA. Sometimes hearing it from an expert or seeing real-life examples can help.
5. Be Patient and Repetitive
Understanding may take time. Be prepared to repeat explanations and answer questions as they arise.
How Family Members Can Help and Support
1. Avoid Judgement
Accept that the child’s behavior is not intentional misbehavior. Avoid comments like “They just need more discipline” or “In my day, we wouldn’t have allowed that.”
2. Offer Flexibility
Be open to changes in plans or routines. Understand that some days will be harder than others.
3. Use Indirect Requests
Instead of direct commands, try making suggestions or offering choices.
Example:
Instead of “Put your shoes on now,” try “Would you like to wear your red shoes or your blue shoes today?”
4. Celebrate Small Wins
Acknowledge and celebrate progress, no matter how small. Positive reinforcement can boost confidence for both the child and their caregivers.
5. Provide Emotional Support
Offer a listening ear to parents and caregivers. Sometimes, just being there and showing understanding can make a big difference.
6. Educate Yourself
Take time to learn about PDA. The more family members know, the more supportive they can be.
Final Thoughts
Explaining PDA to family can be an ongoing process, but with patience, clear communication, and empathy, understanding can grow. Family support is invaluable for both the child and their caregivers. By learning together and adapting expectations, families can create a more supportive and accepting environment for everyone.